Wednesday, June 22, 2011

32

Finally. After a year of waiting I am finally going back to work in Baghdad. I accepted the job and depart this Sunday, (tonight as I write it's early Wednesday morning), for Reno for some training and testing then I'll be off on July 2.

I'm not sure how to be feeling right now. That's not to say I don't feel overwhelmed, but simply that I don't know which is right or wrong at the moment. This week has been busy. I'm storing things and shutting off utilities. I'm scanning final documents and trying to say goodbye to friends. I'm excited yet sad, and unsure about most things now. I'm a bit afraid of leaving too. That's really hard to spit out, but not for the reason one might think. It's the unknown that worries me. I haven't shared this with many people, but once I leave I don't plan on coming back to Boise. The house will just be my rental property and the home I have known for 10 years will cease to exist. Every ounce of me wants to make a new home somewhere...to burn down the bridge to this life and its ghosts and skeletons, and just begin life with a fresh canvas. So that's what I plan to do, that is if I can muster the courage to walk away. We will see in a few weeks.

I have also decided to share this blog finally because once I'm gone I will no longer make entries to it. "All Is Well" is going to smolder in the ashes of that bridge too. What comes after is as much of a mystery to me as it is to those who will choose to read.

There's so much to be said tonight that I can't put into place. Soon, though, I'll have no choice.

-JF