The full moon is here. I can feel it because I can't sleep and I feel edgy. A few months ago I felt pent up and took the Vette out and drove reckless speeds for as far and as long as I could in an effort to purge the feeling. I thought I might need pills or something because I couldn't shake it. But once I realized it was the moon I felt better because I could just roll with it. I think that makes me a nocturnal animal, like a bat or wolf...or a vampire. And to top things off, it's a full moon equinox, which means the seasons are changing too. I feel it. I feel the change in my bones like a blanket wrapped around my body and mind, its edges pulsating and rippling from the movement happening within. The Witch, as she came to be called, says it's a time for reflection and taking stock of the past as they pertain to current events. That assessment feels absolutely correct.
I think God comes to me in any and all forms. He sends me signs and messages of His will. Without them a man like me, who struggles with pure and simple faith, would lose sight of such things. So I keep my mind's eye open for that which may just be the better of my Angels.
-JF
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The Train Inches Forward
Well, my recent post about stalling must have jarred someone or something loose in the universe because I woke up today with new instructions for the next step in getting to Afghanistan. Funny how that works, right? Just as hope, and sometimes interest, fade...My Maker finds me and the train inches forward. I wish it would hurry along and get out of the damn intersection!
So Now I move on to the medical and background phase of the process. I have to do another Eqip, which is a State Department background check. I did it before for Iraq and it took at least a month then. So if that standard holds true here I won't be done with it until around Halloween. I have a feeling I am going to be home to eat turkey, trim an Xmas tree, and ring in the new year. It's not ideal because money is becoming an issue. But I have a few rabbits up my sleeve still and can make it work if I must. And I will be able to see CJ2 for the holidays, which makes me very happy. It would be very weird if I deployed in December, which was the same time of year I left for Iraq. It's gotta be part of someone's bigger plan I guess.
John gave me some good advice today. He said I just needed to sit back and let events reveal themselves to me. A psychic once told me that too. In fact, those were her exact words. She said I shouldn't be hasty and to let events reveal themselves to me. Yeah, I went to a psychic once. She told me lots of things actually. Some of them came to fruition, some did not. I think John's advice holds truer though because he meant I should let God reveal events to me. I will try my best to do exactly this.
So Now I move on to the medical and background phase of the process. I have to do another Eqip, which is a State Department background check. I did it before for Iraq and it took at least a month then. So if that standard holds true here I won't be done with it until around Halloween. I have a feeling I am going to be home to eat turkey, trim an Xmas tree, and ring in the new year. It's not ideal because money is becoming an issue. But I have a few rabbits up my sleeve still and can make it work if I must. And I will be able to see CJ2 for the holidays, which makes me very happy. It would be very weird if I deployed in December, which was the same time of year I left for Iraq. It's gotta be part of someone's bigger plan I guess.
John gave me some good advice today. He said I just needed to sit back and let events reveal themselves to me. A psychic once told me that too. In fact, those were her exact words. She said I shouldn't be hasty and to let events reveal themselves to me. Yeah, I went to a psychic once. She told me lots of things actually. Some of them came to fruition, some did not. I think John's advice holds truer though because he meant I should let God reveal events to me. I will try my best to do exactly this.
Angel of God my guardian dear, to whom Gods love commits me here. Ever this day be at my side to light, to guard, to rule, and to guide.
-JF
Sunday, September 19, 2010
And She Dances...
How is it that one persons bright side can be the shadow I never get out of? I need you to hear me now...
Don't stop being the light that shined brightly and helped me see things clearly. I needed you just when you came along. There was a reason we met. The way you lived inspired me to look for shallow waters and ways to ford the winding rivers of my mind. You believed in something and strived for better ways to live. Your genuine goodness once caught me off guard because I had lost my faith in people. But you convinced me to believe again and that I didn't have to touch something for it to be real. You gave me faith.
Don't change now...don't do it. Stay the course, please. Another let down would break my heart.
-JF
Don't stop being the light that shined brightly and helped me see things clearly. I needed you just when you came along. There was a reason we met. The way you lived inspired me to look for shallow waters and ways to ford the winding rivers of my mind. You believed in something and strived for better ways to live. Your genuine goodness once caught me off guard because I had lost my faith in people. But you convinced me to believe again and that I didn't have to touch something for it to be real. You gave me faith.
Don't change now...don't do it. Stay the course, please. Another let down would break my heart.
-JF
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Stall
Things have stalled and I don't know how to deal with it. My life is a contractor may be over. I haven't heard a word for well over a month now. It can only mean I'm no longer being considered. I need this contract, need money to live on, and more than anything...need to get busy working the plan. Here's the thing though; I feel a bit relieved not to have to go now. Yes, I will have to do something for money, but I can find something here at home. There's a giant part of me that feels relief, which means I never really wanted to go...right?
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