So Act

30 days later I am still home...waiting to go. Is this the story of my life or what!? OK, Update:

My BMI is down under the acceptable % required by the company. My recruiter gave me a date to hit it by and said she'd get me into the group leaving yesterday, August 14, if I made it. Well not only did I make it but I shattered it by 4 pounds! Which means that in the 6 weeks since I got back from Reno I have lost 27 pounds...and 5 pounds more than that since about the week before I left. That's a grand total of 31 muther F*%#$ pounds since the middle of June! But, alas, my recruiter was wrong and she could not get me into that group because come to find out it was already full at 50 people. I think she must have underestimated the power of the elliptical and my love/hate relationship with it. So I have been slotted for the group heading out August 29...two more damn weeks!

It's creeping up on me now...I can feel the demon coming for me. He's the one that sets his claws in my mind right about these times, when things get frustrating and it's as if I might lose control of myself all together. I am very unhappy with the living conditions I have put myself in. Not to mention the relationship that results from it. I am such a coward for staying and not just setting out on my own for however long I need to until I leave. She makes it so easy for me here though, almost as if she knows that to make things any harder would see me leaving. But she's not happy either, not happy with the way I behave towards her most of the time. But I am 99% certain she won't do anything about it because she's not that kind of woman. She won't confront me. She won't complain...not outright anyway. Her passive aggressiveness never goes unnoticed. I let it go unchecked because to do anything about it would be a waist of time. But I always notice when she does it. I have always said that this is the exact kind of woman I never want to be with, yet here I am again. Sound familiar Jim? Two more weeks climbing the walls. Two more weeks of her pawing at me like a dog that doesn't know how to bark for a bone. Two more weeks of the Queen B and her plastic crown and Harley Davidson sensibilities. I can't stand it, or her, or this anymore. I can't do it.

So act. Reach out for something more than what's been at arms length for the past 2 years. Take the next two weeks, hopefully the last two weeks in America for a while, and do something with it.

-JF