HESCO

I guess today is about hope and the will to press on, even in the face of daunting pessimism. I've been a doubter for so long that it seems like there's no other way to survive. Of course the proof otherwise is obvious because here I am, alive and well and pushing forward towards another goal. But in my heads battlefield I can't see over the HESCO's that block the view of what's happening around me. I think I might need a pill to beat back the vile invaders that sweep across the landscape of my mind. Their teeth gnash sharp pointy spikes as they come for me.

How do we see ourselves through the eyes of the world around us? If the collective opinion of those I love says all is well then why can't I feel it. I want to be the sun in her eyes, the brightest star in her night sky, and the tide pulling it all in. But who is she, and when will it get to be me? I guess the focus should be somewhere else, especially now.

I feel you calling me home. I hear your words in my head telling me where to go next and how best to get there. I feel so bad for being a coward and not following the path you laid out for me. I am aware of the "No Apology Rule" we have in place so I won't offer one. I can only promise you, and myself, to keep trying. Keep Trying.

-JF