The Choices we Make

January 17, 2008

Today I made the one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make.

When I decided way back when to pursue coming to Iraq I thought for certain it’d be the biggest thing I’d ever do. At that time there were so many changes going on in my life that I kind of figured this would be just another in a long series of doozies. I was getting divorced, I was going to be a single parent, I was going to have to start dating again, etc. So taking a job in a foreign, war torn country really didn’t seem like that big of deal. But I put it off for reasons that shall remain mine, and moved ahead with my life. Then I met Cynthia and eventually had to make some more big choices, like moving in together, raising another child, and then possibly getting remarried. So when I finally got to this point in my life, only 4 years after first conceiving coming to Iraq, I thought that I was at my big choices quota for the decade. But then more came, like having to actually quit my job and leave behind the only career I’ve ever known. And then the choice of what to do with all this money I’m making now. And then finally the difficult choice to actually walk out that door and say goodbye to the people I love and get on that airplane. They were doozies and whopper’s for sure.

But today I topped them all. I’m here with my head in the sand and I get saddled with one of the biggest and baddest choices yet. My daughter told me she was going to get married without me there and I chose to tell her “OK”. I heard the news and went through so many emotional changes that I wasn’t sure what my reaction would be when I finally decided to speak. But then I talked to her and it all just kind of fell into place, almost as if there was a natural order to it all. I choose not to be angry at my only child, and I choose to love and support her the best way I can. I choose to make this time a good time, regardless of distance or circumstances. And I choose to be the father I set out to be, which isn’t always easy.

I’m here in Baghdad because of a series of choices. I made them all. I told my grown child today that that’s what life was…simply a series of choices. Some of them will turn out OK, and some of them won’t. But that’s all any of us can do is continue to make them…the best way we know how. I’ll still be her dad, and I’ll still love her, no matter what choices she makes.

-Jim Franks