Thin Air

November 11, 2008

32,998 feet somewhere over the North Atlantic, almost over Dublin, Ireland is where I write from now. I said goodbye to America for the third time in 11 months about 7 hours ago now, but I have no idea what the actual time is. These past 3 weeks has gone by as quickly, and as slowly, as I had expected. I have been to several time zones and countries during that period. So, I guess it doesn’t really matter where I am at the moment, but only that I know where I am headed….back to Baghdad.

My return to work is going to be a busy one for the first few weeks. I have been transferred to a facility in North Central Iraq called Sulaymaniya. A few months ago I asked the powers that be if I could be moved to another location. I wasn’t unhappy in Baghdad; I just felt a need for a change. I also asked the Powers if they wouldn’t mind keeping me around on mission for a while longer. My contract is quickly approaching its end and so I figured I might stick around and see some more of the country, work with some different people, do some different things, etc. I guess I have done a good job because not only did I get a 12 month extension I also got this transfer to one of, if not the best, place the mission has to offer. “Sooly” is in Kurd country and so is considered safer than Baghdad where the war seems to speak its mind at a pace lately that’s neither too loud nor too quiet. But it’s still a war just the same. But the Kurds pride themselves on keeping Americans in their care safe from the insurgent violence that still blows things and people up around Baghdad from time to time. So I will be able to work under much more affable conditions. I will travel on my own through city streets in soft skinned vehicles. I will walk among the local people in their markets and shops. I will tour the countryside during my off time and see a more mountainous landscape and climate. And I will do it all without the constant drone of my Uncle Sam’s army buzzing in my ear. It’s going to be a cold winter and cooler summer a little further north and I am looking forward to wearing a coat again. I will miss the friends I have made in Baghdad, both American and Iraqi alike. I will miss my friend and partner Fadhil. His service as my interpreter has been invaluable. But his friendship over the almost 12 months I have been here has been heartwarming and a true blessing. He is a good man.

So this trip hasn’t been without its drama either. The castle at Aljoul and the Pyramids were fantastic. And I spent 4 days on the Egyptian coast that I didn’t even mention in writing. But here at the end of my trip I have come to yet another crossroad…but of a completely different kind then that posed to me by the Cairo Policeman on my bridge over the Nile. I made a detour to Washington DC for the last 4 days to meet a woman I have been in touch with for a few months. She’s someone I felt it important enough to make the long trip over for and see if there might be more than just emails and phone calls in our future. DC is a wonderful place during the fall and I highly recommend it to everyone. We toured the Lincoln Memorial and the National Cemetery. We watched the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. We placed our hands on the Vietnam Wall and felt its odd warmth on a cool day, and took tourists pictures at the WWII Memorial. We saw the colors of fall everywhere on the National Mall and it was all romantic and beautiful. And we took a drive north to Gettysburg and spent an afternoon touring the battleground. The whole DC trip was a very nice ending to my vacation. It reminded me of the patriotic duty I want to believe I am doing in Iraq. It reminded me that even though the country is going to change under the leadership of a new president it is still simply America, home of the brave, land of the free. But, as sick fate would have it, on my last night there I found out that my old heartache, Cynthia, is getting married this weekend to the man she left me for. Yup, just 6 months after leaving me and our 4 year relationship she is going to be marrying the man she dated for 2 months before she met me. So everything about my vacation has come to an end with a sad and bitter shade of grey around it. Even though I spent the last 4 days with someone who I think genuinely could care for me I can’t tonight…from somewhere over Ireland, help but feel sad and lonely and unsure about life’s purpose and my place in it…all over again. I am left with a feeling of uncertainty and a kind of sadness about love and whether it really does ever exist. And I can’t quite explain the feeling. Did I make the right choice leaving my life behind a year ago? Have the things I’ve seen and done been worth it? What kind of life am I going to have when this all comes to an end? Isn’t love and family supposed to be enough for any man? I just don’t know…any of it, I just don’t know. All I do know is that the air is thin and it’s cold and lonely at 32,998 feet. But all is well.

-Jim Franks