A Womans View

January 15, 2008

Today I had the opportunity to talk a bit with one of our female Terps. Her nickname is “Sara”, and I have no idea what her given name is. She, my Terp Kevin, and I were standing around waiting for some others to finish a job and we got to talking about children. Kevin has a 2 year old daughter and he has been complaining that she wakes him up at 1 or 2 in the morning every night and tells him a story. It seems that she tells him the same story every single night. I, of course, laughed at this. I told him that this is what children do and that he will be even sorrier when she gets to the questions age. I told him pretty soon she’ll be asking him “Why” all the time. He rolled his eyes but laughed. Sara started to tell him ways to get her to sleep through the night. Play with her before bed time to wear her out, give her warm milk before bed, etc. So I asked her how many children she has and she surprised me and said none. I knew she was married because her husband is also a Terp. And I guess I assumed she had kids because she had some good ideas, and frankly, that’s all women seem to do in this country, (raise kids and serve men.) But I should have known that the mere fact that she worked for the US was an indicator of her more progressive social outlook.

I think I’ve already said that one of the major no-no’s here is socializing with female nationals. I believe they mean not to romantically socialize, but being new I am still leery. So when I asked Sara how old she was I did so with as much of a “just curious” air as I could. She told me with no hesitation that she was 25. So I pushed a bit further and asked why she didn’t have any kids. That’s when the flood gates opened. She went off on a tirade, (in front of Kevin), about how Iraq was no place now to raise kids and that she wasn’t going to be the traditional woman and sit back and have babies and cow-tow to men like is the tradition. Kevin started to speak up, in his, “I am a man and what I say goes” way, and said that it’s not that bad anymore, etc. But she was having none of it. She leaned into him and said that woman still have to go around with their heads covered and get slapped by men at will and even get killed for having an affair. Then she shocked me by pointedly saying to him that she would never want to raise a girl in Iraq. I give Kevin credit for carrying on the conversation at all, because from what I can tell if he wanted to shut her down he could have rightfully done so at any time he wanted, simply because he’s a man. But he tried to say again that it’s not that bad anymore, but she cut him off and asked him why then was it OK for men to take more than 1 wife, (they are allowed by law to have up to 4), but if she was to have relations with another man while she was married she could be justifiably killed. Kevin kind of looked at me sheepishly, as if to say, “She’s got me there”, and then laughed her off. She was very adamant that women's rights in Iraq were far from equal and that she never wanted to have a daughter for this reason, and thought it would take 100 years to make a social change.

Kevin told me once that he thought he might like to have another wife, (an additional wife that is…), someday. When I asked him why, he explained that a man needs variety, etc. (Like I needed convincing…) But then when I asked him why he didn’t go ahead and do it he told me that his current wife wouldn’t allow it. Confused, I asked him to explain. Apparently, a man is allowed by law to have up to 4 wives. But he has to have cause to do this. If wife #1 can’t have kids, or even if she doesn’t bare him a son, or if she is terminally ill, or if she has mental problems, etc., then the man is allowed to take another wife. (These all seemed like perfectly good reasons to me to go ahead and enjoy some variety…) But regardless of the reason the woman still has to give permission. I guess that if they can’t agree then their tribes or families get together and hash it out for them, and then it can ultimately go to a court. Today when we were talking with Sara I couldn’t help but wonder what Kevin’s wife was like comparatively. Because I’m pretty damn sure Sara’s husband won’t be asking her if he can take another wife any time soon.

-Jim Franks